Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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