Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
