Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am one with the molecules
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
