i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
