i already hear my dad disowning me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
