We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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