I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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