Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
