were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
