i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
