I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
