I just saw a hot homeless man
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
