youre lurking in front of me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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