Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
