1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
