so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
