and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
