Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
