my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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