win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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