the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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