Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
