I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I AM VODKA MAN
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
