I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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