My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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