We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
