i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
