how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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