What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
