i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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