Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
