don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
