I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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