So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
