the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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