I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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