FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
