is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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