My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
