I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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