hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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