1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
