I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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