I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
