im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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