she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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