Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
