I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
