Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
