You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
