you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's shark week go big or go home
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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