I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
