It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
