i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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