Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
